Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes

Here are the best, funniest quotes to make you laugh out loud!

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Albert Einstein

 

 

I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

 

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams. 

 

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. -Andy Rooney

 

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

 

Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.  -Bill Vaughan

 

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. -Woody Allen

 

Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.

-Ogden Nash

 

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. -Bill Watterson

 

Get your facts first, then you can distort  them as you please. -Mark Twain

 

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. -Lana Turner

 

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.  -Maryon Pearson

 

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.  -Albert Einstein

 

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Faces like yours
Belong in the zoo
Don’t be mad
I’ll be there too
Not in the cage
But laughing at you