Here are the best, funniest quotes to make you laugh out loud!
It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. -Andy Rooney
Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.
Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. -Bill Vaughan
In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. -Woody Allen
Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. -Bill Watterson
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. -Mark Twain
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. -Lana Turner
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. -Albert Einstein
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Faces like yours
Belong in the zoo
Don’t be mad
I’ll be there too
Not in the cage
But laughing at you